You might be an engineer...

[AlphaKilo470]

I found these on the net and found them to be rather funny. They work the same as a redneck joke would but with engineer in place of redneck.

You might be an engineer if . . .

. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

. . . you enjoy pain.

. . . you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.

. . . you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”

. . . you’ve actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator.

. . . when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major.

. . . it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

. . . you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”

. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

. . . you think in “math.”

. . . you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger’s Cat Experiment.

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.”

. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.

. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

. . . you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

. . . you consider any non-science course “easy.”

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

. . . you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.

. . . you understood more than five of these indicators.

. . . you make a hard copy of this list and post it on your office door.

. . . you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of email.

. . . you know the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's simply twice as big as it needs to be.

(pulled from www.frontiernet.net/~tzuleger/ webjokes/engineerjokes.htm)

another one pulled from elsewhere:
*If you own a calculator that has no equal button and know what RPN stands for.

*You've ever had charges pressed against you for trying to perform the "Schrodinger's Cat Experiment."

[verktyg]

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get that great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

[thePCxp]

Want to know something? I want to be a computer engineer for Lenovo but for the ThinkPad's and ThinkCentre's when I grow up.

[AlphaKilo470]

pcxp, maybe you should see if your school has a robotics club and/or a science club. You could probably get a good feel for electionics and engineering there.

Oh, and a little FAQ since this may be unknown stuff to some people, RPN stands for Reverse Polish Notation and is how most calculators without an equal button are likely to be programmed. Here's what one may look like: http://www.freewebs.com/alpages/48sxoncb.jpg

Also, the Schrodingers Cat Experiment can be summarized here: http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition ... 36,00.html

On a trivial note, I head up my schools robotics club as President, so not only am I dabbling into amateur robotic engineering but management as well. Thing's can't be any funner than that. If you've ever read Dilbert, there's our documentary, except minus the pointy hair and I do, infact, know what I'm doing and I can operate a microwave.

[AlphaKilo470]

The doctor says he prefers a wife because it's healthier.
The artist prefers a mistress for the "mistique" of the situation.
The engineer prefers both, so when his wife thinks he's with the mistress and vice versa, he can go to the lab and get some work done.

Mechanical engineers create weapons, civil engineers create targets.

[thePCxp]

I know science and electronics. (And I am trying to be good at math). I know a lot about computers (and electronics). And I have already been comming up with some ideas (for the ThinkPad's and ThinkCentre's).
But the idea of seeing if my school has a robotics club and/or a science club is a good idea.

[egibbs]

Engineer is walking from one lab building to another when a frog jumps onto the path and says:

"I am a beautiful princess who was turned into a frog by an old witch. If you kiss me I'll turn back into a Princess and be your girlfriend."

The engineer picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.

"Hey - aren't you going to kiss me?" the frog asks.

"Naw," the engineer says. "I don't have any use for a girlfriend. But a talking frog - now that's cool!"

[Torque]

>Egibbs

Very cool )

RIght on spot.