THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA

[RealBlackStuff]

THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS: LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!!

1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.

3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.

4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-79 GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.

5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.

6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.

7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.

8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH AFTER 'CATCH IN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.

9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.

10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.

11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.

12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!!

13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED OVER ICE.

14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW TO SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.

15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE EAGLES AND THE STEELERS, AND A DANG SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.

16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT SPOOKS THE FISH.

17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES, COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND MARINES. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.

19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.

20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD-IT'S A FLURRY. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE IN IT, AND DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA , WORST CASE YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE NEXT DAY.

A TRUE PENNSYLVANIAN WILL SEND THIS ON!!!!!!!

[mikey pizano]

LOL!!!

Your about half an hour from me so do i count as rural?

[jdhurst]

<snip>

4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? <snip>

And the stupid beasts who found themselves on the QEW at 427 (8 lanes each at that multi-level intersection) in Toronto recently because of some dim-witted truck driver almost did become steaks. One did, the rest were rounded up.

From a long time died-in-the-wool City Slicker who loves city life.
... JDH

[beGi]

LOL indeed, especially 13th&14th....

But man, don't get me wrong but you sound a bit frustrated, take it easy, it is not good for your health ...

[TTY]

[mgo]

2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.

I guess I'm old fashioned. I wear my cap straight, and I take it OFF when I go indoors out of respect for people in there, whether it's a business or residence. It's called being polite.

May I also add another rule? Fix your muffler, your car sounds like a fart with wheels.

[Purcy]

Yep, my sister lives in the wooded part of Crawford County PA and I can tell you, most of these are true!

[RealBlackStuff]

Your about half an hour from me so do i count as rural?

Yep.

[mikey pizano]

Dang. I am between Wilkes Barre and Scranton though.

[BillMorrow]

my father was from beaver county, PA..
so were about 6 generations of morrow's..
and before that virginia..

i'm now here in georgia, rural georgia..
and early this year i sold mny first few head of cattle for steaks and burgers..

no hat, just cattle and horses..

for when the gas runs out of the pelosi administration has gas costing $12 a gallon..

i love those rules..

[qviri]

21. We don't need no [censored] lowercase characters.

[BillMorrow]

but my shift key is broken..

[goofyGAguy]

Hey Bill, how close are you to Lake Oconee?

[beGi]

but my shift key is broken..

Well, I guess that you (he) can call it shi.t key...

[Beaver]

my father was from beaver county, PA..
...

W T F ? I got the county !