Advice needed

[killer]

I've never talked about this before, but I really need advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

I once picked her mobile phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

[Harryc]

Old joke, but a good one . Thanks for the chuckle ...

[Beaver]

And by the way - change it by yourself, it's way cheaper...

[dsigma6]

LOL...You're awesome.

[rkawakami]

My advice would be to trade the old girl in. When you can't depend on her and she starts spewing out important stuff all over town, then it's not worth the trouble to hang on to her any more. Despite any previous emotional attachment, let her become someone else's problem. As for your bike, a torque wrench (aka, spanner) is all you need.

[gator]

Old but gold ... thanks for the laugh!

Ray, your 'advice' is awesome

[Temetka]

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it again.

[CRAZYBUBBA]

That was a terrifying read. I'm glad that all is well with your marriage.

[Marin85]

Three implicit points:
1. You was obviously more interested in your motorcycle than in your wife and that was most probably the reason why your marriage went bad;
2. A posteriori, the motorcycle is more valuable (to you) than your wife! (a fact and at the same time a rule that makes your (inner) life much easier...)
3. Fix the motorcycle! If you don´t know how, read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". That would mean: the right question is not whether you can fix it by yourself or not (the absence of such dilemma then implies "of course, you can fix it by yourself") but whether you are fixing it or you are not, and this question has certainly only one right answer (that we all know...);




EDIT: a few things

[killer]

Is irony a new concept in your life?

[Marin85]

Is irony a new concept in your life?

What makes you think so? Did my three points sound that serious to you? (The fact that you are putting this rhetorical question here suggests so...) And how can irony be a concept in someone´s life anyway? (of course, unless one´s life is irony or one wants it to be like this, but that´s another topic...). Needless to explain, every joke has some philosophical side, and I offered one, so I really don´t see a point for you to break the good (gentleman (?)) manners (by suggesting intellectual inferiority with such a comment...).
Speaking honestly, I didn´t expect exactly that kind of comment from you

Kind regards

Marin

[killer]

Sorry if I have upset you. That was not my intention. It is just that we Brits tend to use irony a lot and people from some other countries don't seem to understand it at all. Conversely, we find it difficult when people analyse jokes.

Bill Bryson, an American writer who has lived in the UK for years found our irony difficult to understand at first but then couldn't understand why his fellow Americans found it difficult. He reports flying into the US and being asked by customs, "Any fruit or vegetables?" When he replied something like, "I'd like a couple of pounds of potatoes and some onions", the customs officer couldn't understand why Bill was smiling.

So next time you meet a Brit standing in the pouring rain and he says, "Lovely weather!", then you'll know what I mean.

Meanwhile, each to their own.

All the best.

[Marin85]

It is just that we Brits tend to use irony a lot and people from some other countries don't seem to understand it at all.

I suspected you might have understood it that way I come from a place where we understand and value British and British-like humor (maybe apart from some language-specific things that can be hardly translated). Moving through different countries I´ve never understood some people pointing to British humor as difficult to understand and weird (but I guess it is probably also a matter of education and taste; other than some people in my surrounding I´ve never liked Oscar Wilde´s pieces of literature, but I like his aphorisms, and I rather prefer Jerome K. Jerome or - to put some Irish scent - Bernard Shaw; also not to forget Monty Python, Benny Hill , "Allo, allo!", "Fawlty Towers", Mr. Bean ).

Just by coincidence, I came the day before yesterday across "The last continent", "Neither here nor there", "A short history of nearly everything" and I believe the fourth one was called "The life and times of the Thunderbolt kid" Haven´t read all of it yet, but already started with "A short history of nearly everything" As for weather, again where I come from, some people like to say "There is nothing nicer than bad weather!" but there are really very few people who know what I´m really referring to.

Marin

[RealBlackStuff]

As for weather, again where I come from, some people like to say "There is nothing nicer than bad weather!" but there are really very few people who know what I´m really referring to.

What is this quote in it's original language and/or which country/language are you referring to?

[Marin85]

What is this quote in it's original language and/or which country/language are you referring to?

If I remember correctly, it is a title of an espionage novel written by Bogomil Rainov, a Bulgarian narrator. In Bulgarian language it should be something like this: "Няма нищо по-хубаво от лошото време" (--> it´s always good to speak many languages ). I like this phrase for three particular reasons:
1. Even translated, most people don´t really get it (but that´s just because they try to draw the literal meaning out of it, using simplistic rationality) or think you are sort of dumb saying such a thing... That´s why there are few people who really understand it. And those some who like to say it - well I guess that was partly my fault
2. Among other things it suggests duality, and duality is a philosophical, mathematical and physical phenomenon
3. On a third thought, it means much more than just 1 and 2

Marin

[RealBlackStuff]

I know many languages, but Bulgarian is not one of them, nor had I even suspected anything Eastern-European.

Philosophy is not up my street really. We have deep discussions over our pints of Guinness, but they rarely (if ever) are about the weather. Coming from a country where regularly you have 4 seasons in 1 day, you might guess why.

Now THAT was really off-topic!

[Marin85]

...nor had I even suspected anything Eastern-European.

Nor did I actually... I like the element of surprise!

We have deep discussions over our pints of Guinness...

Then allow me to kindly join you (BTW, your Irish recipe is quite to my taste )

...a country where regularly you have 4 seasons in 1 day...

But...then you have plenty to discuss about...

[RealBlackStuff]

The keyword here was regularly. You walk in in the Autumn and come out in Spring or Summer.
Nobody misses Winter anyway (snow happens only once in a blue moon, and never lasts more than perhaps 2-3 hours).
Only foreigners would discuss the weather in Ireland

[Marin85]

The keyword here was regularly.

That was catchy!

Only foreigners would discuss the weather in Ireland

[mattbiernat]

Only foreigners would discuss the weather in Ireland

omg i remember landing in dublin... im the kind of person to whom california is becoming too cold place to live at... my current prospectives for setteling down are either southern most florida or arizona.