Post your christmas cracker jokes!

[Worzyl]

Hope everyone is having a nice holiday. We purchased a box of christmas crackers that had some pretty groan filled jokes. Although there were a few I found amusing. Here's one of them:

Q: How do you make an apple puff?

A: Chase it around the garden.


..and here is a terrible one:

Q: Why did the Jockey take his saddle to bed?

A: To avoid having nightmares.

So,if anyone had any christmas crackers; post your one favourite and one worst joke!

[emtee3511]

I know what Animal Crackers are -- what's a Christmas Cracker?

[Harryc]

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk ... ckers.html

[emtee3511]

Thanks, Harry Now I know what a Christmas Craker is -- that is so cool (but not edible)

[killer]

Loads of crackers jokes here: http://web.ukonline.co.uk/j-d/chuckles/crackers.htm

Beware, some of them are really awful.

[emtee3511]

I don't have any Christmas Crackers -- but thanks to killer, I have Christmas Cracker Jokes --

My favorite: What do cats like for breakfast? mice krispies

[killer]

IIRC, Christmas crackers are a British adaptation of a French idea and the jokes were based on American vaudeville one-liner jokes which were very popular in Victorian times on both sides of the Atlantic.

One original example is the teacher asking his pupils to spell 'weather'. One pupil writes, 'wievvar' and the school teacher says, "That is the worst spell of weather I've known for years."

Those old entertainers have a lot to answer for.

[mediasponge]

What do you get if you cross an elephant with peanut butter? -- I don't know, either peanut butter with a long memory, or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

From the immortal Groucho Marx: "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know." and "The big problem with hunting elephants is removing the tusks. Except in Alabama, where the Tuscaloosa." And finally, "Any organization that would have me as a member, I want no part of."

From the immortal WC Fields: "I was married to a beautiful woman once. She drove me to drink. That is the one thing I am indebted to her for."

The success of a pun is measured by the volume of the groan that follows it.

[emtee3511]

mediasponge -- "The success of a pun is measured by the volume of the groan that follows it."

Your post was very successful!

[killer]

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo

Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What lies at the botom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

Boom, boom!

It's nearly epiphany so probably time to end Christmas Cracker jokes.

[mediasponge]

OK, OK, I'll let this one die out, but I have to post one more, possibly the best joke of this type I've heard:

What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? -- Make me one with everything.

(I can hear the groans already)

[emtee3511]

Could we maybe do these again in April for April Fools? My husband refers to me as the 'bumpkin' -- he would use my appreciation of this thread as further evidence he is correct

[mediasponge]

Could we maybe do these again in April for April Fools? My husband refers to me as the 'bumpkin' -- he would use my appreciation of this thread as further evidence he is correct

Don't get me started on redneck jokes. I come from a looooong line of Mississippi rednecks. Incidentally, when I first saw this thread, I thought it was about redneck jokes, as 'cracker' is another term for redneck. Too obscure, I guess.

[killer]

There's nothing wrong with being a bumpkin. Everyone is entitled to their own destiny.

[mediasponge]

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your relatives. Some of my 19th century relations look like the 'before' picture of the Beverly Hillbillies...

[emtee3511]

mediasponte -- "I come from a looooong line of Mississippi rednecks"

I spent my first fifty years on the Gulf Coast - Corpus Christi, Texas --

My new hometown is a farming community in Howell, New Jersey -- I'm convinced Jersey doesn't let very many of us 'bumpkins' in, and that the only way my husband gained entrance for me was because the Army posted us here.

Going on ten years now, and people still comment on my 'southern' accent, while family back home tell me I "talk like a yankee" --

As far as the humor in this thread, it takes me back to my childhood in the fifties when little moron jokes where told at recess -- guess no matter the decade or region, most people enjoy a good laugh