Terror alerts on the rise!

[RealBlackStuff]

ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "P i s s e d Off" to "Let's get the B a s t a r d s." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[lead_org]

No you can't cancel the barbie...

[poshgeordie]

"Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."

That was the reaction to the last message I got from you

I then opened it and realised your reaction to the message I'd previously sent you was

"P i s s e d Off" to "Let's get the B a s t a r d s."

Great to see that "entente" is still "cordial" between UK and USA

[poshgeordie]

Reading the thread while listening to the BBC Now Show a great satirical comedy radio show, and this song sums up the UK attitude and general apathetic impotency against "greater" forces:

http://nickpaton.fireflyinternet.co.uk/ ... /rage1.mp3.

[RealBlackStuff]

They even invented yet another escalation level: I am annoyed!

[killer]

'I am annoyed' must be US English. Original, correct, and the Queen's English would never allow that intensity of deep emotional expression, except in the former colonies ... where phrases such as 'fair dinkum' (jolly good show, old chap) or 'Can you get the rego this arvo?' (Please would you mind getting the car through its test this afternoon) or 'I darn't lick rid mitt' (I don't like red meat) do the deed by confusing everyone.

'A little bit annoyed' or 'a tad annoyed' would be correct over here.

We live by understatement and litotes. God bless this sceptred isle, it gave the world the ammunition of obfuscation.

For a couple of examples see my signature.

P.S. RBS, a rather good posting. Well done!

[poshgeordie]

RBS, a rather good posting. Well done!

Not such a bad reply, "making-less-than-alive"

And that's not a terminological inexactitude either!

"litotes" is now my word of the week